


I Won't Say Anything At All

by Monstacatz



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angry Castiel, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Stop Hurting Cas 2k16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 23:42:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7661779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monstacatz/pseuds/Monstacatz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has been hurt and used by the Winchesters one too many times.</p><p>This isn't supposed to be alongside canon episodes or whatever i was sick of the Winchesters shit okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Say Anything At All

**Author's Note:**

> Any tips or comments would be appreciated for improvement c:  
> Once again, sorry if any of them seem OOC I'm still not great at this.  
> Please tell me if this sucks so i can take it down?  
> Title is from the Marianas Trench song Say Anything

Sam looked over to Dean and shook his head. Their plan was not working; Castiel just would not talk to them. They’d tried everything they could think of but he just stared straight ahead blankly, looking right through them. He jerked his head to motion Dean outside to talk. 

“What do you think is going on with him? Did we do something?”

“Not as far as I can remember. It’s probably just an after effect of Lucifer possessing him, I mean you came out of that battle soulless, maybe it effects other angels differently.”

They agreed to give Castiel a few days to readjust to having control of his mind and body, bothering him as little as possible and hoping he’d come around but, after four more days with nothing but silence and stares from the angel the brothers began to question their temporarily agreed on conclusion.

Dean was the one to pull Sam aside this time. Not that Castiel would have responded to them if they had had their conversation in front of him anyways.

“This is not working, come on. We’re gonna have to talk to Cas.”

“We’ve already tried Dean; he’ll talk to us when he’s ready to.”

“No he won’t, we have to make him, he’s learned from us and when was the last time either of us talked about our problems willingly?” Sam opened his mouth to argue, only to shut it again seconds later. “Exactly. Whatever we did we have to fix it, let’s go.”

Sam sighed and followed Dean to where Cas was sitting in the library. They both pulled out chairs at the table he was sitting at, Sam sitting directly across from him and Dean next to him. 

“Hey buddy, how ya feelin’?” Dean tried. He was, as expected, ignored entirely. “Okay, not feeling chatty I see.” He grumbled.

He shifted in his seat and waved a hand I front of Castiel’s face with still no reaction. “I think he’s broken.” He tried; a weak joke at best but apparently the entirely wrong thing to say as Castiel’s expression changed from one of careful neutrality to his own signature look of smiting anger.

He slapped Dean’s hand away from his face none too gently and glared at him harshly. 

“Oh and what of it if I was? You were the one who said no one cared, were you not, Dean? ‘No one cares that you’re broken, Cas’, I believe those were your words.” The younger Winchester gaped at the angel’s sudden outburst while the elder looked away from Castiel’s angry eyes, ashamed.

“I’m sorry Cas, I was just frustrated and you weren’t acting like yourself I should never have said that, can we just forget it happened?” Dean seemed to be on a roll with ‘All the wrong things to say to an emotionally unstable Angel of the Lord’ as Castiel’s face became even stormier with rage. 

Sam gave Dean a wide eyed look of panic as Castiel stood up and pushed his chair back, leaning forward on the table into Dean’s face.

“Oh yes, why not? Let’s just pretend that it never happened! It doesn’t matter anyway, angels don’t have feelings!” Castiel spat, jaw clenched. Dean threw up his hands in surrender but Castiel had snapped.  
He reached out and grabbed Dean by the front of his shirt, pulling him up and close to him, grip strong enough to stop him pulling away. “Isn’t that right Dean?”

“No I- Cas, I didn’t mean to-” 

“Didn’t mean to what? Pull a Winchester and use me until I wasn’t of importance anymore?” 

Cas let his hands fall from Dean’s shirt and shoved him away. “Just once, once, it would have been nice to not be second best. I’m not even asking you to put me before Sam, just to feel like maybe you care about me like family like you always say you do.” At this point Sam had stood up too, not wanting to be left sitting where he was of no help to his brother.

“Hey watch it Castiel, we have never used you, you are family.”

Castiel turned to him, anger not dampening in the slightest even with Sam’s steely look. “Oh yes, I’d forgotten, ‘family don’t end with blood.’ Only, with you two, I’ve observed that it usually does; but also that it never seems to be actual Winchester blood, only that of the extended family. Such as Jo, Ellen, Bobby, Charlie and Kevin, do stop me if I missed any.” He finished coldly. 

Sam’s face flashed with pain before he forced it back into an expression of anger and looked to Dean, who had since escaped Castiel’s grip and had a shocked look on his face at his speech.

“Do you think he’s still possessed?” Dean shook his head. He was just mad; very mad.

“I bet you wish I was Sam. Then you could just kill me and pretend it was because of Lucifer.” Both Sam and Dean stared at him in shock. This was not usually how Castiel dealt with his feelings, not how he usually talked to anyone.

“After all,” he continued, “ I’m broken, of no use to either of you anymore, my grace is weakened, my wings are destroyed; you might as well just ‘cut your losses’ as you might say, and get rid of me.”

Dean wasn’t sure what scared him more, the anger and bitterness behind those words or the gathering tears in the angels blue eyes. He had never once cried before, and although these were probably tears of anger it was still disconcerting.

“Cas please, stop talking like this. We would never even think of trying to get rid of you. We’re sorry, I’m sorry that you feel like this but we would never want you gone, especially not because you’re ‘broken’, all of us need a bit of fixing and I’m sorry, it was a cheap joke on my behalf and I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Castiel was silent for all of a few seconds but then he looked Dean straight in the eyes.

“How can you say all of that when you have already gotten rid of me when I needed you? You both act like you’ve never abandoned me when I needed your help. First, you left me with Meg in an asylum after I helped you to restore Sam and then again when you kicked me out to fend for myself with every angel in heaven out for my blood.” Dean started to protest but Castiel cut him off with one look. “Stop. I know what you are going to say. ‘It was Gadreel’. Yes, that was an obstacle, but I want you to ask yourself Dean; if it had been Sam who was the danger in that situation, would you have made him leave? No. Because as often as you’ll say you care about others, he’s the only family you actually care about when it comes down to it.” Sam attempted to draw some of the blame from Dean by apologising but Castiel just shook his head at him.

“No Sam. This blame cannot be placed on you. For the most part you have not had the same liberty in decision making as your brother. I believe most of these feelings are directed toward him.” At some point the tears in his eyes must have gone away but they welled up again as Sam gave him a somewhat knowing look and made his leave.

Dean stared after him in dismay but he didn’t look back.  
“Sammy? Hey!” But he retreated up the stairway and left the bunker, probably gone on a grocery run.

The door closed at his back and Dean was left alone with the angel. He turned back to face Castiel at the worst possible moment, just as the first tear he’d ever seen the angel cry slipped down his face.

“Cas? Hey, come here.” He moved closer to him and pulled him into a hug. Castiel tensed and tried to move away but Dean held onto him tighter. “I’m so, so sorry Cas. I hate seeing you like this. You deserve better.” Castiel gave in and leaned his weight against him with a sob, leaving Dean feeling sick with guilt as he rubbed the angels back.

Gradually, he calmed down enough to speak again. “Would you mind if we sat down somewhere to talk? All this arguing has exhausted me.” Dean nodded and motioned for him to follow him to his bedroom, where they could at least shut the door for some privacy. He didn’t miss how wrecked Cas’ voice sounded after the harsh words and tears.

When they reached Room 11 Dean let Castiel in first to sit on the bed as he closed over the door. Moving to sit down next to him he attempted to mentally prepare himself for whatever the angel was going to throw at him next.

“Do you want to know what makes it so unbearable that it was you who said those horrible things to me? Why Sam is ‘getting off easy’ as you might put it?” He was looking down at the floor but he still caught Dean’s uncertain nod in the corner of his eye. 

“It’s because I made the stupid mistake of falling in love with you.” He barely paused for a moment between finishing his sentence and standing up to go, but Dean, shocked as he was, grabbed Castiel’s wrist as he made to walk away and pulled him back down onto the bed.

“Whoa hold on no, you can’t just say something like that and then leave!” 

“And why not?” 

“Because- because that’s insane!”

“Good to know, I’ll add insane to the list of things that I am.” The anger from the library was returning to Castiel’s eyes and he was struggling harder to get his wrist out of Dean’s grip.

“Wait no, stop that’s not how I meant it Cas-” 

“Just save it Dean! I get that you don’t feel the same way and believe me I’m trying my level best to hate you so can we please just ‘forget I ever said that’? Because that seems to work for you.” He tried to get up and leave again only to be dragged back down again by Dean.

“Please just let me go! This is already humiliating enough as it it!”

“Just listen to me Cas!” 

“I don’t want to hear what juvenile excuses you’ve made! I knew it was never going to happen from the start!” Once again the tears were reappearing in his eyes, making the blue seem even brighter.

“No Cas, just-” “No! I’m done!” Dean, in a desperate attempt to make the angel listen, placed his hands on his face and pressed his lips to his. Castiel froze up in shock momentarily before his racing and destructive thoughts regained control and pushed him to believe Dean’s actions were out of pity. He shoved him away roughly and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

“No. Don’t you dare. You’re just playing with me, I know it. I don’t need your pity Dean Winchester.”  
A pained look settled on Dean’s face as he saw Castiel’s conclusion spilling from his eyes. The angel angrily wiped at his face as Dean spoke up.

“I didn’t do that out of pity Cas, I did it because…I did it because I fell in love with you too. I’m just not good at this; not good at feelings.”

Castiel looked at him, head tilted, searching his face for any hints of insincerity but found none.  
“If that were true, then why would you treat me as though you didn’t care?” 

“I’ve always cared about you, it’s just a little intimidating to have these kinds of feelings for an Angel of the Lord with the power to smite you with a snap of his fingers. And y’know, I was also kind of convinced I was straight.” Checking to gauge Castiel’s reaction, he continued on further.

“So I tried to shove all these feeling down, because you were right, for a while I didn’t think angels had feelings, which would have been awkward if you not only didn’t feel the same way, but physically couldn’t. I’m not asking you to forgive me, because I know that I certainly don’t deserve it, but I am saying I’m sorry. You’d think that by now I’d have learned to keep the ones that I love closest to me instead of pushing them away under the illusion that they’d be safer.”

Cas looked at him for a long time before he nodded. “Apology accepted but you are wrong. You do deserve forgiveness, but that will take time. You’ve hurt me more than I care to tell you, but in time those wounds will heal and scar and things between us will be okay.” He paused and looked close to shy for a moment. “And in regards to our, ahem, confessions, what do you suggest we do?”

“Well I reckon if we take things slowly, one step at a time, it could work out.” Cas nodded.  
“Yes, one step at a time.” He leaned into Dean’s side and sighed. Dean wrapped his arm around him and squeezed lightly.

“Come on Cas, I think it’s time you got some sleep, you look wrecked.” He nodded tiredly and let Dean shift him around until he was under his covers, shoes kicked off and piled at the footboard with Dean’s. When he was comfortable, with his trenchcoat and tie folded at the end of the bed he looked up at Dean.  
“Will you be joining me?” 

“Only if you want me to.” He shrugged.

“I feel that it would be quite…pleasant.” 

“Guess that’s that then.” Dean undid his belt and pulled of his jeans, leaving him in just his boxers and a t-shirt. Noticing Castiel’s intense gaze he stopped folding the jeans. “Oh right, sorry, is uh this gonna bother you? I can leave the shirt on if you want but I have no pj bottoms so...”

“Can I make a request?”

“Of course, what is it?”

“Whatever you do, please do not keep that shirt on.” Dean chuckled and looked down, cheeks heating up a little as he removed his t-shirt. Castiel marvelled at how the slight blush highlighted his freckles and spread down his neck and onto his chest.

“Y’know, it’s only really fair if you at least take off your slacks, the shirt can stay if you want.” Castiel shook his head and removed it as well as kicking off his dress pants. 

Dean grinned and slid under the covers next to him, kissing him lightly on the cheek before settling his head on the pillow and drifting off to sleep. 

Castiel smiled for what felt like the first time in a while when he found out that Dean was very cuddly while he slept, and indulged him happily before dozing off himself, Dean tucked up against him in a position he believed to be called ‘spooning’.

And if Sam had walked in on them later on and given a quiet whoop of victory while punching the air, that was entirely his business. He’d been betting on this for a long time okay?


End file.
